The Faithfulness of God: “The MRI”

Funny thing happened on my way to the MRI scanning room, I discovered the faithfulness of God in a profoundly deeper way. But…

I’m getting ahead of myself. My story begins with my kitty as it always does. She has needs which translate into good deeds for me to perform. Petting her, scratching her under her chin, talking to her, moving out of her way so she can take up most of the bed space. It’s a full life, and it is time I get started. Yet, my mind is on other things today.

I’m gripped by the unavoidable certainty of having to undergo an MRI procedure. That photo session of my body executed inside a small, enclosed capsule. Now, I experienced once, without warning, a full-on claustrophobic episode on a field trip with my class as we explored the inside of a cave. Shortness of breath; one dimensional eyesight. Had it all. So, I asked the nurse for one of the newer machines that is more open. However, I was told by the scheduler those machines would not measure accurately my anomaly. “Is this because I’m an HMO patient? I questioned. “I’ll pay extra.” In truth, I cared more about the process than even the results.

So, I waited the prescribed days until it would be my turn to go inside what I considered to be a coffin. I was told to get a sedative from my doctor. “They really work, and you won’t even notice. “

“Wanna bet?” I whispered to myself. I’ve been given Valium before surgery, and it had no effect so I doubted this new drug would prevail. Now I don’t mean to brag, but when I set my mind on worrying, I’m very good at it. My powers to persuade myself that danger is near is masterfully convincing.

This bothered me because being a Christian I am supposed to trust God. “Turn it over to Him” is the phrase. Yet when I try, the request turns, almost twirls in all different directions but none of them trust. During that whole 3 weeks as I awaited my appointment, I felt low clouds hanging over me. Fog distortion that short-circuited my prayers. I would talk to God, but my words didn’t leave my lips, but remained stuck in my mind and throat. I felt that I was failing to connect at the most basic level. I felt hemmed in, constricted, unable to push on into faith.

Finally the morning of the MRI

I arrive early with my completed paperwork, swallow my pill, and wait. However, after only 2 mins I unexpectantly hear my name being called. Not fair! I still need to worry some more and let the sedative take effect.

Walking down the hall, the nurse asks me if I’ve ever had an MRI before. “No, I suffer from claustrophobia, but I just took my drug.” (I had only taken ½ pill though wanting to leave room for trust to kick in.)

She happily said, “Oh, you won’t need that. We’ve got brand new machines. Open and wide.”

Accepting this news as my miracle,

I was not about to tell her what the other nurse had said about not working on my anomaly.

As I lay in the machine with joy, I began to reflect on the whole process. Jesus had heard my prayer. He had answered, and amazingly He didn’t need my help.

My behavior and choices, don’t affect Him as God. Prayer transcended the fog because God does. It is part of the relationship package called salvation. My feelings do not determine God’s actions. He works according to His own good purposes based on His character and nature.

“My flesh and my heart may fail me, but God is the strength of my heart. (Psalms 73)

As I reflect on this, I begin to remember past prayers when I gave myself credit for a good answer from God. I prayed well, believed…but now I am aware at a much deeper level God’s divine will and…not sure how to describe this next part except He is faithful whether I am or not. “If we are faithless, He is not. He cannot deny Himself.” (2 Tim 2:13) I don’t control God; He controls me and the whole universe.

In a way, it’s like my relationship with Kitty.

Whether she is sweet or demanding, it doesn’t change what I am willing to do to take care of her. Because I’m her owner, and she is my kitty. Her behavior does not determine my commitment towards her. It goes much deeper.

Every year at Thanksgiving time I have a list of things and people for which I am thankful. Yet this year my thanksgiving focus is on Jesus alone. I am thankful just for Him. For whom He is as God and for all that He has done and continues to do (whether I see it or feel it or not.)